Story behind I Choose

Forget what matters and dig for gold
Climb those ladders to take control
with no time left for you

I
I could
I could choose

But I choose you
I choose you
You’re worth it all

Why don’t I try to do it all
Out all night and please them all
with no time left for you

I will spend myself on you
You’re worth it all

If I’m honest, my family and I have gone through A LOT of difficult loss this past year… multiple kinds.  I’ve done quite a bit of praying and reflecting, and as a result God has reprioritized my life again to things that matter most… things like:

  • relationships and building connections with people
  • walking through hard stuff with other people
  • stopping to have conversations, and just listen
  • giving grace to people when they least deserve it
  • loving people for who they are, not how they’re acting in the moment
  • being honest and open
  • finding gratefulness and joy in the everyday
  • worshipping God through the storms

I had the idea for this song a couple years ago, but only the wisdom gained through this year could’ve written it — this final song written as a culmination of the message of my upcoming CD!

I was having a phone conversation with my close friend, when she brought up things we intentionally give up to have what God wants to bless us with.

  • Sometimes we give up hours working (and therefore income) so we can spend more time with our families.  Or sometimes we work more so we can give more financially to those in need.
  • Sometimes we give up an influential position so we can work on our physical, emotional, or spiritual health.  Or sometimes we walk through hard seasons because God has called us to that position to serve the Kingdom better.
  • Sometimes we give up meeting people’s expectations of serving or just hanging out because God has something different for us to use that time on.

No matter what, I want to consistently intentionally choose what’s better: God, important relationships, and what God has for me to do… rather than going with the cultural flow of seeking money, power, and/or social approval.

I also want my decisions on how I use my time, talents, and treasures to reflect that I’ve chosen what’s better: things that are not about “I” — what “I could” do, or what “I could choose” — but are about my relationship with God, my spouse, my family, etc.  I need to consciously choose to “spend myself” on what matters… otherwise my time, talents, and treasures will be wasted away on things that don’t.

When I get to the end of the day, and “I feel spent,” I want to say so with joy, knowing that I gave my entire being into worthy things that matter most.

 

Advertisements

Story behind Legacy of Love

I wrote Legacy of Love to honor my grandparents.  I thought I’d write about it on the fifth anniversary of my Grandpa’s passing; also my Grandma just came to visit, and my other Grandpa hopes to come next month.

This song reflects back on my grandparents’ marriages, and the example they were of true, devoted love.  As both my husband and I come from divorced parents, they were meaningful demonstrations for us as we started our life together.  I wanted to say thank you in the best way I know how.  I will always treasure the time when I got to play this song for them; seeing their joy was priceless!

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Years ago I was sitting in the hospital room with my paternal grandparents.  My Grandpa was in a lot of pain, and he was struggling to be his loving, patient, and gentle self.  I remember he said some harsh words to my Grandma, and all my Grandma replied in that moment was, “I love you, Bob.”  She stayed with him and loved him until the end. She recalls all the times when her mental illness kept from being able to be of much help; her husband would step up and take over, going to work even in his pain, looking after the kids, and caring for his wife until she recovered. She says that when one struggled, the other stepped up to help.  They always kept Christ in their marriage, following his example the best they could, and that made all the difference.  They loved each other dearly, treasuring their time together; Grandma misses him every day.  As Grandpa passed soon after my wedding, I learned that I need to treasure every day I have with my husband.

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

– Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I watched my maternal grandparents struggle through the difficult journey of my Grandma having Alzheimer’s for about a decade. She would get confused; she would get infuriated and stubborn.  Slowly, Alzheimer’s took over her memories, then her control, then her body.  Grandpa walked through it with her the whole time.  He would help her as best he could, and never gave up on her, even as he needed to accept her limitations.  He kept her as active as possible.  He would still poke fun at her like they did when they were young, which made her really come alive and be silly back.  He recalls all the times that Grandma would sit in the hospital with him when he’d fall ill.  They were still each other’s sweethearts up until the end.  Grandpa loves sharing stories, recalling their time together with joy.  I learned from them to always have fun with my husband, and to love him well in the good times and the difficult times.

Here’s to my Grandparents: may we all live our lives as you have, in such a way that we leave a legacy of love. 

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month.  I personally know many people who have suffered such abuse and I have done a lot of work with survivors of sexual violence as a social worker.  I wrote the song “Tears Fall” (available here) to encourage those who have suffered any abuse at the hands of another.

To help with awareness this month, I thought I’d share an excerpt from my book, Surviving Service: Effective Response to God’s Call for Justice. (Physical copy or pdf available here, and online in all your favorite book/e-book stores.)

Along with researching what works in improving situations, it’s imperative that you keep learning all you can about the population you want to help. I have heard stories of well-intentioned people messing things up when they were just trying to help.

Sexual Violence: I’ve heard countless stories from sexual assault survivors who had people suggest what they think the survivor could have done to avoid the assault, or to avoid a future assault. Rather than being helpful to the survivor, the survivor starts to think she was to blame, instead of the actual perpetrator of the assault. In reality, most sexual assaults are pre-planned (often by people they know and even trust), and the perpetrator gets the survivor in the most vulnerable circumstance. By then, it’s too late to do anything other than what’s necessary to survive the encounter (fighting back, trying to escape, submitting, etc.).

Domestic Violence: In my educational workshops on dating and domestic violence, I noticed many people think it is best to encourage a victim to leave the situation and relationship right away. In reality, domestic violence victims are most at risk of being seriously injured or murdered by the perpetrator (violent person) right when, or soon after, they leave. It is usually better to remain calm and plan the escape. Help the victim make a safety plan for leaving: When is the best time to leave? Where will she (and the kids) go? How will she safely move her belongings? How will she avoid the perpetrator? What should she do if the perpetrator shows up somewhere? Does she need legal assistance or financial resources to get through this? Who can help support her? Be sure to employ community support and resources. She will then be prepared to leave as soon as it appears safest to do so.

Get involved here: www.nsvrc.org/saam/

#SAAM

Story behind “Ordinary Hero (Song for John)”

Ordinary Hero (Song for John)* – played at his Memorial Service

My Mom asked me to write a song for my Step-Dad a couple weeks before Christmas 2016, when they found out the second chemo didn’t work, and would be trying a third treatment. I told her I would be honored to do so.  I told her I would take some time over my Christmas trip to CT to brainstorm, and asked her to send me anything she’d like to say to John through the song. Then we’d get together again to write the song after Christmas. I knew from the start it needed a slight country twang, for my country-lovin’ Mom and Step-Dad. 😉

I started brainstorming: John lived life abundantly, spending quality time with his family. Him and my mom went on more adventures than I could keep track of… they were always doing something!  (It was an inspiration for me to get out there and do new things with my hubby too.)  Their honeymoon in September fulfilled their bucket-list of a trip down the east coast.  What an adventure!  He lived well.

In the airport on my way home from CT, I got a text that John was headed to the hospital.  The next morning my sister came over to discuss booking a flight up to NY to be with them, for an undefined amount of time.  I quickly unpacked, repacked, and did the tasks I needed to do before leaving. The following morning I had a few hours before we needed to be to the airport.  Since I wouldn’t have my guitar with me in NY, even though I hadn’t gotten my Mom’s ideas yet for the song, I figured I’d better try to write it before I left.  Normally I’d take at least a couple days to finish a song… so I prayed for a miracle! And it came.

As I reflected on John’s life, the term ordinary hero came to mind.  A hero is “a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.” John certainly had courage, achieved a lot, and had noble qualities… but he did so in a regular, humble way. No matter how much he did to “save the day” in many ways as a heroic firefighter, sincerely caring bus driver, and friend who would drop anything to help out, at the end of the day, he was still just a man: my Mom’s beloved husband and co-adventurer. He was an ordinary man who demonstrated the love of God in those ways:

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. […] And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us” (1 John 3:16,23). “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). 

Although his physical stature might cause you to assume otherwise, it was hard in the everyday to do these “heroic” things.  He would get tired.  There were things he sacrificed.  Sometimes he needed help.  He wished for more time.  As an ordinary man, he needed God to help him and be his hero, even more than he helped others heroically.

All of his life filled the verses and chorus in honor of him.  But I still needed a bridge.  My Mom called later on that morning.  She talked of how loving and gentle he still was, despite waning physical strength and increasing physical discomfort.  That was so telling of who he was.  As I visited with him that evening, I noticed that even in moments of confusion, the topic of conversation was always about taking care of someone or some situation.  It wasn’t about him.

I played the song for him that night; I thanked him for loving my Mom, and told him it’s ok to go rest in the arms of our Hero… we’ll all be there soon.  In the morning he met Jesus face-to-face.  I will forever treasure that memory.

I leave you with the poem my Mom wrote:

God, You Got a Good Man

669 days ago, a gentle man began the fight of his life,

along with his family, friends and loving wife.

With much love for his family, especially fatherhood,

he lived each day doing the best he possibly could.

With great respect for the elderly, extending a hand out,

that’s only part of what this strong man was about.

Loved by the children, and loved the children so,

As he spent many years watching them all grow.

He’d drop everything to help anyone in need,

a wise and sensible man, dependable indeed.

He loved the outdoors, camping, four-wheeling and the farm,

and all who met this man could not resist his charm.

A love for his country, patriotic as a person could be,

A strong and faith-filled man, he was our oak tree.

*If you’d like to have the song, email me at stefaniepottermusic@gmail.com and I will send it over to you.

God Moving through Music

As you all know, last month was a tough one for my family.  Jesus called my Step-Dad home what feels like way too early.

How does this connect to my music?

There were multiple moments in this hard journey that I saw God moving through music… and it reminded me of why I continue to write, continue to sing, and continue to share the gifts God gave me to use for His work.

Ordinary Hero – Of course first I was honored to be called upon by my Mother to write a special song for her beloved husband, John. It meant a lot to me to reflect on his life and what he meant to all of us.  It meant even more to get to tell him and my Mom this when I played the song for him before he passed.  God continued to use this song to help us honor John, and learn from his life of loving service, as his Memorial service.  I’m not sure how I made it through singing it without bawling (I barely did in front of John too), if not for the grace of God.

At first I was hesitant to share this song online.  I didn’t want it to come across as self-promotion or attention-seeking in any way.  But then God gave me peace to share it… to continue to honor John and help his loved ones long after the services were complete.  As friends and family watched, I saw God use it to help people mourn, to reflect on the example of John’s life, to reach out to others, and to remember him with love.  That’s all I could’ve asked for and more.

Angels Among Us – Mom was brainstorming a song to have Chris, Amanda, and me sing at John’s memorial service, as we sang together at their wedding.  She came upon Angels Among Us as a suggestion, and remembered that John always liked that song.  (It just so happened that this was the first song that Amanda and I sang together in church when we were little.)  So we began looking up versions, and found one with sisters singing together… it was a perfect fit!  

Then Mom and Amanda had the idea of having kids sing with us.  The next day Amanda and I were a bit nervous about how we could pull off gathering a bunch of kids to sing.  But we ran it by the Pastor, and he said, “You know, I was thinking it would be nice to have kids participate in the service, since he loved kids so much!”  It was a done deal.  Pastor Ball recruited a dozen of the sweetest kids we could ask for, and took care of everything that entailed to make it happen.  Those kids worked so hard to learn it, and it was such a sweet tribute to John… I’m not sure there was a dry eye in the place. 

15941436_766950943716_3352225706840909034_nAfter the services were over, Mom was downstairs trying to find some papers.  That’s when I noticed this poster above John’s old desk… I’m not sure Mom even realized it!

Later still, we were going through Facebook posts with Mom, and someone they knew had posted that song in honor of John… on the day Mom chose it!  So many sweet confirmations that God had led us to this song for a purpose.

Just be Held – It was clear that God was speaking to Mom and John through music in the previous months.  One Sunday they heard this song in church.   She was so moved by it that she wrote it down to remember for later.  Well she ended up remembering about the song one Sunday after the funeral.  She said she couldn’t remember what it was called, but it would’ve been a good one to sing (but as we saw, God had other plans!).  She planned to look up that service bulletin later to show me.

Well, on that night of going through Facebook, we started listening to a song my cousin had posted to her wall… that was the song!  (Ironically, the music video even has Charleston’s famous “Angel Oak”tree featured.)  It was a healing moment of resting in God’s Love. 

There was another song posted by a friend, “Jealous of the Angels” that said so much of what we were feeling, and even some of what I’d said to John before he passed.  One of many moments that allowed us grace to mourn.

Then yet another friend dedicated a song to John in church, that just meant so much to us!

I could go on…

My friends, this is why I write, this is why I sing, this is why I continue to share the gifts God gave me for his work of grace, restoration, healing, and love.

More Meaning behind “Not Alone”

Not Alone

…This one’s going to get even more personal than normal (if that’s possible).

One foot in front of the other

On this beaten ground

With every bit of dirt uncovered

Wonder will this be the last you’ve found?

And the crowds seem to disappear, the farther down you go

’til it’s just me saying, I can’t

promise you an easy road

But you’ll never be alone

You’re not alone

As you wish upon those stars

That light the darkened way

Why is it they seem so far?

And one by one they fade away

And the crowds seem to disappear, the farther down you go

’til it’s just me saying, I can’t

promise you an easy road

But you’ll never be alone

You’re not alone

But I can’t do this on my own

The burden is too deep

I’m scraping for that bit of hope

To hold me when I’m weak

Who will hold me when I’m weak?

                           

I take a breath as You tell me

that I’ll never be alone

I’m not alone

 

I wrote this song as a promise to my loved ones that I’d walk through the tough stuff with them, as I held to the promise that God would walk with me.  

At that time, the context was my sister’s adoption journey.  It’s been awesome to see it finally come to fruition!  But at the same time, the journey has only begun.


14290019_747133752526_6526974859986928038_oHowever, recently this song took a different meaning for me.  The past month I’ve walked with my mother through the loss of her beloved husband.  It’s meant a lot to her and us how much her family, friends, and community has come around her and told her in many ways, “I can’t promise you an easy road, but you’ll never be alone.”

Personally, I’ve been mourning along with her on multiple levels in multiple moments, including when it was time to leave her and head back to Charleston. On one hand I know God has her back and will continue to care about and for her even more than we ever could.  I know God will send her the people and the help and encouragement she needs.

 However, even as she is surrounded by friends and a caring community, I think about how she feels not having her husband with her… her best friend–her person–is in Heaven. She may feel alone… although she is not.  

Please join me in praying that my beloved Mother will continue to know and feel God’s personal and loving presence with her, and have peace that she will “never be alone.”

Story behind “Home”

“Home” starts at 4:40

This song is one of the oldest songs that we still play.  It was originally a slow song.  Back in August 2015, we put on a fundraiser concert for Doors to Freedom, supporting their effort of opening a home for DMST survivors.  We felt like the message was totally appropriate for the event, but we had too many slow songs. So we worked rearranged it to be a knee-slappin’ folk song… and we’ve loved playing it ever since!  (This video is from playing it at the Chonda Pierce event.)  I’m hoping to include it on my next CD.

I wrote this song in college, back in 2007.  This was the very beginnings of my sense of “home” being redefined.  Ever since then, with each move, the feeling that no place is actually totally home has just amplified. When I visit family, I say I’m going home.  When I come back to Charleston, I say I’m going home.  At the same time, I’m leaving home both ways.  When I think of Texas, it feels a bit like home.  When I think of my husband’s family in CT, it feels a bit like home.

I wrote this song to honor my relationship with God and my family.  Back in college, I realized that I feel most at home where people know and love God and each other.  I also feel most at home around my family… wherever that is.  When you’re home, you’re free to be yourself… and that’s a beautiful thing.

When I first showed this song to (my now husband) Chris, he thought I wrote it about him.  But I wrote it before we started dating… sooo it really wasn’t about him at first. 😛 As much as we each secretly wanted it to be!  But as we opened up about our love for each other, it became about him.  So I eventually re-dedicated it to include him.  As we’ve grown united in our marriage, I can now say it is most true about him, second only to Christ. What a blessing!  Together, we are home. ❤

Story behind “Yankees in Texas”

A little silliness for us…

Moving to Texas was a CULTURE SHOCK!

My husband and I lived there for a couple years when we first got married.  It didn’t take long to fall in love with the people there.  But I tell you what, Texas is a different world from what I grew up in…

I wrote “Yankees in Texas” within my first year, as I found all the little differences funny.  The biggest thing for us to get used to was the overall lack of sarcasm… which my husband and I are fluent in. There were multiple times when we had to explain, “Sorry, we’re not saying what we mean. We’re not being mean. We’re not stupid either. We’re just being silly. Assume the best intentions.”  Texans know how to have fun, joke around, and be silly… ours was just a little different flavor. lone-star-state--texas

Another thing was the friendliness. We LOVED it, as people (especially Fellowship Church) welcomed us so well in a time when we were separated from everyone and everything we knew.  Although our worldviews/ideologies differed some, we were able to find great unity.

But sometimes the friendliness freaked me out a bit.  I remember one of my co-workers being so kind by trying to get to know me, but she asked some questions that were probably normal to a southerner, and I (slightly weirded out) was trying to keep a safe distance.  Of course we ended up becoming super close friends… but it took me breaking down those Yankee walls and realizing her best intentions for that to happen!

There wasn’t much to do within a 1 hour radius of us.  (Although they’re used to driving hours, like it’s no big deal!)  So the friendliness of people worked in our favor.  I can’t tell you how many dinners and game nights we shared.  Even the workplace was different.  Relationships were valued as much as productivity.  The pace was rarely frantic, like we find other places.

Of course there are a lot of Spanish-speakers down there.  So my “mastery” of Spanish in high school did not prove sufficient when compared to native speakers applying for the same jobs.  Along with that came Tex-mex.  That was the normal go-to food… so we had to get to know it and figure out what we liked in that style.  That made me realize that pasta dishes (our go-to) were not the norm to much of the US.

I also can’t describe how many country music stations there are… where stations come in, that is!  Cowgirl boots are essential fashion. BBQ is done right. Rodeos and ranching are a way of life.

Although I missed the amount of trees we have back East, I LOVED the big blue sunshine-filled skies.  It was like catching up on all my 25 years of missed Vitamin D… while realizing how beautiful the world can be, and how insignificant we are compared to God.  I also loved the small-town feel.  I felt much safer in the “sketchy” areas of Bryan/College Station than I did in the gunshot-laden inner city of Rochester.

Texans love Texas.  Although the amount of lone stars seen around are a bit excessive, in many ways, I can see why.  The idea of moving to Texas never came to mind until it was a reality, but I’m so grateful that we did.  Some days I miss it.  But everyday I’m grateful that a couple of Yankees were able to survive there for a while… and they survived us! 😛

An adventure to treasure…

Story behind “Heartbeat” – and its message for today

This is a long one, but it’s important. It’s urgent

The original concept behind “Heartbeat” was on my mind for years.

I wrote a song called “Hear His Heart” a while back that speaks of wishing people would get to know the kids labelled “bad.” I saw this in my family and later as I worked at the YMCA. People are quick to yell at these struggling kids who usually just need someone to find out what the problem is and guide them in how to make better choices.  The yelling and constant punishment actually served to make them act out more often, and hate authority.  This is one of the many times I learned the value–the necessity–of learning to listen.

I knew for a while that I wanted to write a song with a similar concept in an upbeat version so I could play it at casual community events.  Late 2015, as racial and political tensions rose, I finally knew what needed to be said through it.

It’s not going away either.  I strongly believe this song has a prophetic message for such a time as this.  (Lyrics below video. Music starts at 1:25)

Divided colors are surrounding me

black and white and blue and red are all I see

Stick to their sides and never cross the line

shouting at each other ‘cause they know they’re right

They know they’re right, they know it all, and that they’re right

We’ve all got a lot to say but who’s gonna listen?

I will hear your heartbeat 

my brother

So quick to anger and so quick to speak

Arguing with brothers like an enemy

We all have scars that show our share of pain

If we cut them open we all bleed the same

We all bleed the same, from our share of pain, from the other side…

What if I listened instead of trying to change your mind?

What if I took the time to see life through your eyes?

How can I love my brother if we don’t understand each other

and help to heal the pain?

Friends… brothers… sisters… We don’t know the complete and thorough truth of any matter. Only God does.

Our worldviews have been developed by our experiences and the voices around us. Your experiences are not the same as other people’s. 

If you think you can sum up the truth of a matter from one perspective, without seeking to fully hear about the experiences of that of seemingly opposing perspective, you are mistaken.

I grew up as a white middle-class female in a small town filled with mostly white people in upstate New York.  Every part of that sentence informs my worldview.  As do the facts that I’ve dedicated my life to following Jesus, obtained a graduate degree in social work, lived in 3 very different states, and made close friends with people from all sorts of races, ethnicities, and cultures.

Chances are, my worldview, experiences, and therefore perspective on problems (especially without my cross-cultural experiences) vary incredibly from a black male who grew up in a poor urban environment in the South.

How did you grow up? Whose cultural voices spoke into your life? What are your experiences?  How many friends of vastly different cultural backgrounds do you have?  Actual friends, not “token” acquaintances.  Friends that you know well and are real with you about their experiences. Would they be afraid to say something about their experiences and perspectives out of fear you’d be defensive or not understand?  For your own sake, be honest with yourself; don’t get defensive about these questions.

I’ve been listening for a long time.

The following is not meant to be my opinion adding to the noise, but a summary of the insightful parts of what I am hearing from beloved ones from various perspectives.  (I say these things with the utmost respect and love. I just want to help shed light on “the other side” and how there really doesn’t need to be opposition, or sides at all. Through empathy, we can love better.)

When people say “black lives matter,” remember to add the “too” if that helps set your mind at ease–“black lives matter, too.” They say it because they feel black lives have not been protected and valued equally to other lives, but rather feared and attacked. They fear losing loved ones and they’re crying out for help. Responding to a black person’s death with “all lives matter,” denying racism because you can’t see it as a white person, blaming a victim, or saying you’re colorblind and race isn’t something at all, isn’t helpful or loving.  Listening to why they feel unprotected–until you understand and empathize–and trying to do something about it, and working toward racial reconciliation is. 

We are all human but our beautiful diversity means that we don’t all have the same experiences.  Even if race is a social construct, that doesn’t make it any less impactful on circumstances.  If you can’t see overt racism, can you consider that some prejudice/stereotypes/assumptions may exist at a subconscious level that leads to fear-based treatment? Can you consider that some racial divisions in treatment and opportunity/privileges may exist systemically as a result of the history of our nation and how society is set up?  Can you consider that white culture may be the norm and expectation that people must fit into to “get anywhere” in the US?  There is research out there to support these claims… let alone individual experiences of black people.

When people say “I’m with the police,” it’s because they respect the people who serve in that way, and they fear the safety of loved ones on duty. Assuming all cops are corrupt, responding with “F* the cops,” violent uprisings or rioting protests that disturb the peace, or not following crowd control instructions and claiming police brutality when they act in an escalated manner to protect themselves and those around, isn’t helpful or loving. Listening to concerns–until you understand and empathize–and trying to do something about it like modeling respect for authority and laws, teaching how to avoid “spooking” a cop, advocating peacefully through established orderly means, and empowering law enforcement with things like positive cross-cultural experiences and de-escalation techniques is.

Can you imagine what it’s like to be a cop?  To put your life on the line to protect people, event those who don’t respect you?  Even when you don’t expect to be walking into a dangerous situation, but suddenly everything gets out of hand?  Can you imagine what it’s like to love a cop and pray he/she comes home safe each night/day?  Even while acknowledging the unwise choices that are made and that cops, as humans, can become corrupt, can you also acknowledge that if there comes a day that your loved ones are being attacked, you will want a trained professional available to help protect them and to help justice to be served? 

I believe it is possible to stand with both police and black people.

We can pray for the law enforcement and the courts to do their jobs with wisdom and righteousness, pray for people to follow the laws and show respect for authority, and mourn, hold them accountable, and peacefully advocate for change when these things don’t seem to happen.

You guys… I’m still listening. I’m not done listening.  I know that I don’t get it fully yet. Can you honestly say that you do?

When people talk about politics (or religion, for that matter), whatever the subject–be it refugees, the election, poverty, healthcare, war–remember we’re all doing the best that we know how.  Our perspectives will vary tremendously because of our experiences.  I know you think you’re right and I think I’m right, because of our experiences.  Every argument made is loaded with assumptions, background views, theological perspectives, some knowledge, and again, experiences. One political party is not more Christian than the other.  Jesus ain’t democrat or republican. He’s King ya’ll. It’s our interpretation of what it looks like in each circumstance to follow him that will vary some, until we understand it all when he returns. 

In the meantime, how do we show love?  Is it by platitudes, backing one side, and minimizing the pain of the other?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-12

Let’s stop the “us” versus “them.”

We have been given the ministry of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:18). Yet we’re really good at division. Division and debating and yelling. The first step of reconciling is to listen–really listen. Listen to understand. Listen to connect. Listen to hear the heartbeat of our brothers. So we can learn from each other and love well.

But we can’t really listen well or love well over social media. Or across dividing lines of our home communities, churches, schools, workplaces, social clubs. Let’s start by befriending those not like us. (1Charleston is doing good work in regards to this this.) Jesus wants us to be united as one body, with beautifully diverse members of all cultures and with all sorts of gifts (John 17:22-23, Romans 12, Revelation 7).  He sees race, and thinks it’s beautiful.

There is an enemy to overcome, and it isn’t our fellow man (Ephesians 6).  We only overcome as one. We are one when we love.  We can only love when we listen to understand.  God makes our role very clear:

19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. – 1 John 4:19-21

Dear children, let us not [just] love with words or speech but with actions and in truth. – 1 John 3:18

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10 Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13 Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
    if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. – Romans 12

Story behind “Love Can Make a Way”

I used to be terrified to get married.  As a kid of divorce, I grew to assume I was better off on my own, or at least better off not making a commitment to someone.  I thought, people change; expectations go unmet; hard times come; how long can people really stand each other in a marriage?

My college boyfriend (now husband) was a kid of divorce too.  So the chances looked pretty slim that we’d have what it takes to form a good marriage.  Could we somehow become good enough to make it?  Sometimes we can both be a hot mess in different ways. So if we’re honest… probably not.

I always heard you can’t go into marriage expecting to change or “improve” the other person.  He might always struggle with picking up after himself and eating up leftovers.  But, flipping the magnifying glass to me: I might always struggle with cooking good meals, keeping on top of cleaning, and getting up at a decent hour like a grown-up.

But we try.

And we extend grace and mercy when we fail.

That is how we love each other.

As I was writing this song, meaning to express my love for, faith in, and commitment to my husband, I realized that I needed to admit: We will never be good enough.

BUT thank God for His example, in loving us–dying for us–while we were still sinners.  And thank God for the example of good marriages forming around us, that gave us the courage to take that leap of faith, believing that love can make a way.  Not only that we’ll make it, but that being married to one another will be a blessing to us. That is what it has been.

I respect my husband tremendously. As “iron sharpens iron,” he helps me become a better me.  We serve together, work together, and we have A TON of fun together!  I can’t imagine my life without him as my spouse. Life–our marriage–is not perfect. (Really… I promise we’re not good enough!) But he demonstrates God’s love for me. I love living life alongside him, knowing without a doubt that in our commitment, I am secure in our unity, I am safe with him, and I am loved forever.

Some advice from older couples, that has stuck with me:

  • “You are not your spouse’s enemy. You’re on the same team.” (It grieves me when I see couples disrespecting each other, or trying to make the other person lose an argument! If one loses; we both lose.)
  • “When one is down, the other will pull you both up.”
  • “We have fun together!”
  • “Marriage is not 50/50. It is 100/100. Don’t divide the work in half. Give it all you’ve got to serve the other person.”
  • Choose to love. Choose to respect. Do this actively when they’re around as well as when they’re not around–no matter how loving or respectable the other person is acting. Don’t put them down.” 
  • “It’s a mindset. Expect that you will work together to make it through the tough stuff, and you will.”
  • “You have God in the center. That’s all you need. He always makes a way.”